Mentoring young writers

Now that I’m older I’m sometimes approached by a young writer looking for a “mentor”; or trying to sell his or her books. And I’m always faced with a dilemma: do I tell them the truth, hoping that they’ll use it to fine-tune their craft, or do I praise them and move on.

I remember myself as a young writer when any criticism felt like a condemnation of my whole existence, my talent and my work. It felt like a mini death.

Now that I’m older and more familiar with death I know that it was an exaggeration. Death has no gentle brushing of the ego only a final crushing.

I therefore tend to start this mentoring process with praise while I assess the situation. How fragile is this person’s ego? Can he or she handle criticism? No one wants to be the cause of destroying another’s desire to write.

Yet I’ve blundered into a situation where the writer was so upset and basically told me to bugger off but in the gentle terms of “you can block me”.

Finding myself in this worst case scenario I’m overcome by grief. What do I do now? Do I perform the gently suggested but violently desired request to block this dear writer?

Being human I want to retract all criticism and re-assert the brilliance of the piece. But then I have to deal with my inner sense of telling the truth, so I flail not knowing what to do.

I may wander into the realm of justification. Does this writer not know that criticism is to be expected? I read somewhere that a writer is like a boxer who expects not to get hit when stepping into the ring.

My own experience in the boxing ring has been abysmal. I have never liked criticism but I have “progressed” to a sort of truce. First I go through all the hurt feelings and anger but don’t respond. (I have yet to suggest that someone should block me!).

After having my fill of self-pity I venture out of the cave to wrestle with the criticism. Does it have merit? Does it advance my story?

I then apply the criticism I’ve decided is valid while considering for a second and third time all the others.

To get back to my experience of mentoring, it’s a good idea for any writer to join a writing group or workshop to improve their writing. Exchanging viewpoints on a particular piece can be beneficial and strengthen the work.

Sometimes you are so close to your story that you cannot see the wood for the trees.

Have you encountered a writer who casts you into the abyss for criticizing their work? What advice would you give to such a writer, or is it best to just praise and move on?